not a normal post

Yes that is correct I am not doing a normal post but I have such a heavy burden right now. I feel like I am on a ledge and I'm looking over and at any moment I will loose my footing and fall right in. I am scared of falling and not being able to get out. Now your probably saying what is wrong? What can make a level headed person feel unsure of things? I wish I had that answer all I know is today isn't a good day for me. WHAT?? TODAY?? Yes today I woke up 3:30am to go pee and then went back to bed and instead of closing my eyes they were wide awake. I laid there and closed them only to realize I was staring at my sewing machine. Now if it wasn't for the fact that it was so early I probably would have gotten up and started cleaning the house. Ah there is my problem, I am a stay at home mom, and my family expects me to do EVERYTHING. I cook, clean, do laundry, make sure kids chores are done, yell at the kids, get them ready in the morning, gosh the list goes on forever now my husband works full time comes home and is in front of the computer sometimes talking to us sometimes not, my braking point is he smokes and yeah its nasty but when I go to my room at around 8:30pm just to unwind from the day and get my head back on at around 9pm I come out to to pee (my first of many trips) and what do you think I smell? Cigarettes smoke as if right? I have asked him not to cause I have asthma and I can't stand that smell does he stop? NOPE. Now I am not asking for any help or advice but sometimes just writing it out helps. I ask God for help cause He will and can help. Sometimes I feel like this isn't how my life is meant to be. I am meant for a great life with a husband that is understanding of my feelings, backs me up with the kids, helps me with house work, just listens when I'm bitching and says yes dear you are correct I am sorry you feel that way. But God will deal with my husband in his own time. Also I found out that my step aunt died today and that is bothering me cause honestly I don't know where she went to. That to me is a scary thought not knowing where a loved one is at when they die. Thank you for listening to me and not judging me.